


Tex-sexual

by Prim_the_Amazing



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Bisexuality, F/M, Genderswap, Illustrated, M/M, a canon one at that, bisexual awakening via a good dicking down, epsilons sexy sexy mindpalace, no idea if this counts as f/m or m/m
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-26 01:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15652770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/pseuds/Prim_the_Amazing
Summary: “Fuck you!” Church snaps, voice going high and pissy. Fucking-- fucker, he’s just like Tex-- heisTex, that’s the point, god, this is just because he reallyreallyreminds him of his girlfriend. That’s all. Any guy would get a boner to see their girlfriend wearing a black tank top that shows off her biceps while counting hundred dollar bills. That’s just common sense. Getting a boner for your money counting tank top wearing girlfriend while she is, technically, yourboyfriendmay be a step removed from common sense, but it still makes sense. It makesperfectsense.Church has been thrown into a completely unfair situation yet again, that’s what’s happening here.





	Tex-sexual

**Author's Note:**

> The illustration was done by the awesome [whatevergetsyouoffatnight!](https://whatevergetsyouoffatnight.tumblr.com/) Check their stuff out!

Tex as a dude is… weird. _Hot,_ like burningly hot, just like she always is, but that just makes it weirder. Shouldn’t there be a difference to how he feels about her when she’s, y’know, a he? Church feels like there should be. But there isn’t. There Tex is standing, a solid foot taller than usual, shoulders even broader than normal, and his voice comes out deep and clear, without the telltale disruption of the voice modulator. And he can feel an excited thrill running through him at all of that, just like when he catches Tex lifting weights heavier than his entire body weight, or pouring a bottle of water over her hair after a hard workout.

Maybe he’s just… Tex-sexual?

“What are you staring at, loser?” Dude-Tex asks him, which is a typical Tex thing to say, except he says it in that sexy deep dude-Tex voice that he’s completely unprepared for.

“Nothing, what are you staring at!?” he retorts skillfully, and tries not to sweat. He’s fucked up the reset again, apparently. What kind of bug in his code could there possible be for him to mix up the _genders?_

Also, he can sweat and does indeed to all of his senses have a fully functioning human body. That difference isn’t accurate either, but it is intentional, so he doesn’t count it.

Tex gives him a strange look like he’s being weird, which he is because he’s a _terrible_ liar, but then goes back to… counting his money. God, that’s so fucking Tex.

Whatever, at least he’s not lifting weights shirtless and sexually confusing him more. Small mercies. He’s about to turn his attention away to try and restart the simulation or just find somewhere to chill out for a while away from all of the _idiocy,_ but then Tex licks his thumb as he’s going through his bills and he freezes like a deer in headlights.

Tex notices, fixes him in place with his brown eyes, and then slowly lifts one blond eyebrow.

Church is a combination of angry, horny, confused, and _still frozen_ by it all. It’s absolutely infuriating.

With deliberate slowness, Tex rests one elbow on the table and his chin on his hand, leaning in towards him where Church is standing. “You want something, cockbite?”

_You._

“Fuck you!” Church snaps, voice going high and pissy. Fucking-- fucker, he’s just like Tex-- he _is_ Tex, that’s the point, god, this is just because he really _really_ reminds him of his girlfriend. That’s all. Any guy would get a boner to see their girlfriend wearing a black tank top that shows off her biceps while counting hundred dollar bills. That’s just common sense. Getting a boner for your money counting tank top wearing girlfriend while she is, technically, your _boyfriend_ may be a step removed from common sense, but it still makes sense. It makes _perfect_ sense.

Church has been thrown into a completely unfair situation yet again, that’s what’s happening here.

“I thought you prefered it the other way around,” Tex rumbles, because that’s a thing he can do now, rumbling.

There’s the moment to recover from that somehow still surprising baritone voice coming from a familiar (familiarish) face, and then one to register the words, to wonder at the words, to mentally rewind the conversation and go over what Tex is responding to, to puzzle it together, and _then_ there’s a moment to let the blush rush to his cheeks as the implications sink in.

Tex smirks at it, and Church snarls at him, still redfaced.

“You’re adorable,” Tex says mockingly.

“Shut up _shut up shut up--!”_

Tex stands up, takes two steps forward and right into Church’s personal space, pushes him into the wall, and smiles down at him. Down at him. He’s _so_ tall like this, holy shit.

“You horny?” Tex asks. “That why you’re acting like this, all tense and obviously checking me out?”

“I,” Church chokes, the curse words and furious defensiveness suddenly hard to reach with Tex looking down at him and so close holy _fuck._

“Idiot,” Tex huffs, almost sounding fond to his spiraling confused hopeful, and yes, _horny_ brain. “If you’re gonna get all cute about it, then of course I’ll fuck you.”

Church blinks. “What?”

“We’re _not_ getting back together,” Tex says sternly. “I’m your _ex_ boyfriend, okay? Get it though your thick skull. But,” Tex pushes him harder into the wall, presses up against him, “I’m fine with screwing your brains out once in a while, if you won’t be a clingy whiny shrill--”

“Bitch!”

“--about it,” he finishes smugly.

Church looks up at him, speechless with fury. Tex grins again, amused and endeared, and it’s doing _things_ to him to see that rare expression on Tex. Tingly squirmy fluttery things. It’s gross.

“You suck,” he says.

“I’m torn between making another innuendo and pointing out your kindergarten level comebacks.” And then he leans down and kisses the breath out of Church. Church makes a surprised gut punched noise into it, but Tex is already sliding a hand up underneath his shirt and pressing a thigh in between his legs.

This is, in a way, familiar. Tex always takes charge, moves fast, is intense as fuck when fucking. But it’s also _not_ because the hands feel unfamiliar and the way he has to crane his head up is unfamiliar and also it’s been a _long_ fucking time. He starts grinding up against Tex’s thigh without making a conscious decision. It’s firm and muscular and unyielding, like fucking rock. He groans into Tex’s mouth helplessly.

“Needy,” Tex breathes against his lips after some serious tongue fucking, fond and teasing.

“What about it,” he snaps defensively, except it comes out more breathless instead.

Tex thumbs a nipple and Church has to claw and cling at the back of his shirt, swearing.

Tex is _laughing_ at him, the bitch, softly and silently because joy isn’t something to show off like anger, which is something they agree on, and then he’s sucking hickies into Church’s neck and the languorous burning drag of his stubble against the thin skin of his neck is driving him _crazy_ and he can feel his free (large, not small yet calloused, _large)_ hand fumbling in between them, doing something and then he makes a small (deep) grunt of satisfaction and draws his hand away from between them to slide up Church’s side instead and what was he doing--

Something’s pokes him and he realizes that Tex was _taking his dick out._

He squawks and draws back as far as he can pressed between the wall and Tex and looks down, wide eyed and trying to get a view of the thing pushing insistently into his hip. Tex draws away from sucking at his neck to give him a quizzical look, and then immediately bursts into a short bout of laughter, rusty and unusual.

Church can’t look up at Tex and curse at him for it because he literally can’t pull his eyes away from his dick.

“Missed it?” Tex says, amused.

It’s. Big.

“Then give it a kiss,” he says, and then he’s pushing down on Church’s shoulders, making him go to his knees and when it's in his face it’s _even bigger._

Tex with a dick. Tex’s dick. In his face. Oh god it’s so fucking--

“Come on,” Tex says coaxingly, and his eyes briefly go up and he’s seems even taller when Church is at his knees and he’s standing there with his arms braced against the wall, bracketing Church in, looking down at him with his short blond hair falling around his face and his brown eyes hooded and dark.

 _Tex’s_ dick. Church takes a tentative hold of it (it’s a handful), leans slowly in, closes his eyes, and kisses the tip.

 _Holy shit,_ he actually did that.

Tex makes a pleased noise from the bottom of his chest, approving. What he’s supposed to do next is kind of obvious and kind of very intimidating but Church _loves_ those noises even though they sound a little bit different from this new strange Tex, he lives for those noises, he’s missed those noises so much--

He takes a deep breath and takes the head of Tex’s dick into his mouth.

Tex’s hand settles on top of his head, strokes once. “Good,” he says.

Church immediately starts sliding more of him into his mouth, and the sound Tex makes is half amused huff and half groan of pleasure.

“Yeah, yes,” he says, and the weight of him on Church’s tongue is heavy and the feel of him filling his mouth is solid and he tastes like warm skin and fresh salty sweat-- he keeps going but there keeps being more of him-- he swallows reflexively--

 _“Yes,”_ Tex says reverently, his fingers tightening in Church’s hair, the pull on his scalp a sweet little sting of pain.

Church is actually literally sucking dick. His girlfriend's dick. His boyfriend’s dick. Tex’s dick. His humongous dick. Of course it’s unreasonably big, this bitch liked using a Desert Eagle even back when all he--she-- was packing was a vagina.

Tex thrusts lightly into Church’s mouth, and it takes him off guard, makes his careful breathing through his nose stutter a bit and his hand clutch tightly at Tex’s narrow hips.

“Don’t worry baby,” Tex says, “I know how to not make you gag.”

He knows. He’s done this before, thinks he’s done this before, has memories of fucking Church’s mouth and his ass and having him jerk him off and and and--

He’s moaning, and past the tightly closed lips barely containing the dick it sounds muffled and desperate.

“Your mouth’s so fucking--” Tex interrupts himself with a moan, keeps lightly thrusting into Church’s mouth and Church just has to withstand it and it’s fucking overwhelming, his jaw hurts the way it does after Tex has made him eat her out for ten minutes straight.

Tex moaning around _his_ cock, voice so deep. His rough big hands jerking him off. On his hips, covering so much skin.

Church feels like he knows every single inch of Tex’s skin, and there’s something so comforting in the familiarity, but he doesn’t know _this_ Tex’s skin, doesn’t instinctively know what feels like what, and it’s so goddamned exciting and he wants to-- he wants to discover and experience everything and then dwell in and soak in the familiarity of knowing and remembering it until it’s almost a part of him.

Tex pulls him off of his dick by his hair.

 _“Tex,”_ Church says, whines, and his throat feels rough in an unfamiliar way, his voice a little hoarse.

Tex grins down at him that way that makes him think _I’m about to get wrecked,_ except his lips are a little thinner than he’s used to, and he’s distracted by that detail as Tex grabs hold of his spit slick dick, starts pumping it roughly, and then he’s pulling at and angling Church’s head just right as he’s jerking off, tilting it up--

He comes right on Church’s face.

He blinks, shocked and incredulous. He can feel the thick dripping warmth of it on his cheek, his lips, his chin, a little right underneath his eye.

Tex laughs, shaky and breathless with orgasm. “That’s a good look on you, babe.”

“You… you _bitch--!”_

Tex, still smiling wide and amused and remorseless (that one chipped tooth, the way the smile goes a little crooked towards the left), goes to his own knees and shoves Church with zero gentleness onto his back and starts unbuttoning his pants. His hand reaches into his fly, grasps him and starts pumping him. Those are Tex’s calluses and practically short nails but besides that it’s all _this_ Tex, so broad and grasping him completely.

His mind whites out a little, the outrage fading into the background in the face of Tex touching him, working him over. He’s got nothing to focus on but the slide of skin against skin and the noises slipping out of him and Tex looking down at him, grinning with afterglow and looking down at his face like it’s the most entertaining thing in the world. The expressions he must be making.

He wipes come off his face, probably smearing it horribly and damn it he’s gonna have to wash this shirt now, hides his face.

“Nope,” Tex says, grabbing his arm and pulling it out of the way, pinning it easily onto the floor. Church has another arm he could try but then Tex is gonna pin that one too and he’s gonna make that absolutely humiliating moan again. And he might have to stop jerking him for a moment. No. Absolutely not.

“Don’t get an overblown ego on top of the one you already have,” Tex says, and leans down and in, breathing into his face, “but you’re a pretty fucking thing.”

And he kisses him. On the lips and the cheek and the chin and right underneath his eye-- Tex leans back and licks the white off his lips-- he’s _kissing his come off--_

Church comes with a strangled cry, vaguely aware of Tex rubbing his thumb over his cheek bone, a small and painfully affectionate gesture and the bitch is probably rubbing the come in, isn’t he.

“You’re cute,” Tex says, indulgent with fucking.

“Fuck you,” Church says, all venom sapped from him. He’s full of Tex touching him and looking at him and calling him pretty and babe and cute and it’s _Tex._ Doesn’t matter what he’s got packing, what he sounds like or how tall he is or how much hair he’s got on his face. He loves Tex. He wants Tex, always.

“Fuck me,” Church says.

Tex cackles at him and calls him needy again, and then reminds him that refractory periods are a thing, which, okay, so he’s found the one way one of the Tex’s are inferior to the other because girlfriend Tex would already be getting the peg out, but still.

He’s a bisexual fucking ghost.


End file.
